by thy self

i

Individualism, alone, loneliness, selfish and many other terms, which capture the element of one’s self being projected, as a priority over other beings is the idea behind this post. Of late I don’t look forward for company as I used to, I like being alone, a loner if u may. I have started to enjoy thing by my self and do not seek others approval or their attention as I used. Guess I am bored or just don’t care about the people around me anymore and have to develop other way to keep myself amused and that I have achieved by not going to another set of people but I have started to realize the ‘joy of being alone’. I do not speak to many people, I actually don’t like to, I have barely had a decent conversation with my parents which lasted more than 10 mins in a long time, my siblings too, we make small talk, but nothing that gives away the true self. Friends, my moral support?, used to be, but no longer. I some how have cut down the number of friends I have. Acquaintance is the word to be used. I speak to lets say three to four people in a day, when I do not meet those four, will have to do with “hi and hellos” from neighbours. And back at race-track, I do have friends, that do matter, I guess when I’m back home I also enjoy being with company. [yes, I stay away from home in place I call the ‘shit-hole’, but of late its not that bad] I don’t mind eating alone, walking alone or even going out by myself. I have fancied the idea backpacking through Germany and Thailand by myself. I am not declaring that I do not want company, but I have understood the joy of being alone and under the present circumstances I like being alone rather than with others.

I don’t aim to achieve some mind-bogging theory in ‘my’ time or do not intend to, I reflect on life mostly and dream of things I like [mostly food, cars and formula 1]. I sleep and a lot and actually don that many thing, but whatever I do alone gives me more satisfaction these days.

[I’ve more to say but less time and hence this post will be completed in sometime to come]

Time ticks life away

I watched the seconds turn into minutes
I watched the minutes turn into hours
I watched the hours turn into days
It’s all gone in a blink
Time ticks life away.

I wore black more than I wanted to
Given a chance I would run and go

Looking back I found myself there
I though anywhere but here
Now time has brought me here
Clearly I do not belong here, I am nowhere near.

Look’s like I don’t have a choice
Just like everything else
Time ticks life away.

Time is dragging me everywhere
Like it knows I’m about to break
Seeing all of this
Looks like I have been through the worst
But time springs back, just to make it worse.

Now that I accept everything
Looks likes I won
Time has tired hard, now it
Must take my place
And try to hold on till the end of the race.

I know its tough
Is gonna get rough
Looks like I’m leading the way
Till the end of the day
Time ticks life away

When it’s all over
I dead
Time ticks, But no one there.

Sleep is an activity ??

If one sleeps for 8 hours a day, he or she would have slept a third of their life. If one were capable of stretching their existence to a century then they would have slept roughly thirty-three years of their lives or if 60 years were more a real figure for you, you would have slept for twenty years.

Sleep is a top priority for me. I was wondering if it qualifies as an activity? Since I’m the one who can define what is an activity, I think it is an activity because it is time consuming, it gives me satisfaction and dreams provide me a lot of entertainment. Sleeping is at the moment one of my two favorite things, eating being the other. As kid I have done my share of 8-9 hour sleep days. And was more than willing to hit the sack as soon as I finish dinner. And then I grew up a little and gone are those days that I used to sleep for long hours. And I was never accustomed to afternoon naps. I actually disliked afternoon naps. Because everyone else would be sleeping and I wouldn’t find anything or anyone to irritate and off course I would have slept more than my share during the night, that if I would catch a ‘quick afternoon nap’ I would be looking at sleeping half my life! And surprisingly I am a morning person, I was on of the first to get up in my family and maybe still am.

But of late, I have been sleeping so much that I get confused as to what time of the day it is. I’ve missed dinner twice as a result of me sleeping in the evening and where I stay the mess closes at 9 and I have no other alternative!! Yesterday after my test and classes I go to the library and sit down to read up for the next day’s test and I was bored in an hour’s time and was a little sleepy so I come back to the room and go online for sometime and was asleep by 4 in the evening and woke up around 6 or 7 and thought 5 more minutes and the by the time I woke again it was 9 and as a result I had to miss out on my favorite chicken curry! And anyways I got to reading and was laying on the bed and fell asleep while reading and woke suddenly and checked the time and it was 11:37 and I thought what the hell, sleep and get up early tomorrow morning and the ‘early’ bit did not happen. And therefore I love to sleep and in a study conducted on sloth’s it was concluded they are very lazy and sleep roughly 20 hours a day. Yes, I want to be a sloth and am half way there already. And in part two it try to talk about the dreams that my minds shows me, which are quite entertaining, fit enough to be on TV.

The end of a Racing legend I knew.

It is a sad ending, for the first time in 6 years that I have been following Formula 1 I did not see my favorite racer drive a Grand Prix race. Sadly Juan Pablo Montoya, the hotshot Colombian left Formula 1 as the prospectus for driving in a good team did not materialize. He thought going back to open-wheeled racing in America was a better option. Frank Williams picked him up from the American open wheel racing and introduced him to the world of Formula 1 and since Frank already had two drivers racing his FW’s in 2000, JPM was given the job of the test driver; JPM had impressed Williams by winning the Indianapolis 500 and also NASCAR. In 2001, when he was given the opportunity, did he shine? Winning twice in his debut year (well it could have been thrice if not for a backmarker taking out JPM when he was leading the race) and the only driver daring to over-take the ‘immortal’ Michael Schumacher and having a wonderful battle with him and also bagging FIA’s rookie driver of the year. And backed by Williams the feisty Colombian had a wonderful year in 2003 where he came quite close to winning the championship. He helped the then BMW-Williams team come in as runners-up from 2002 to 2004 and also gave the team their last win at the last race of the year 2004 at Suzuka.

After breaking into the world of F1 JPM was considered to be a champion in the making, and Ron Dennis was quick to sign Montoya for the year 2005 at the end of 2003. Making a shift from Williams to McLaren Montoya had hoped he could achieve what he had set out to, to win the FIA Formula 1 Champion, but this change did not work out for him. Having Kimi as a teammate who was with the team 2 years prior to JPM joining did not help and by the time JPM got into the McLaren groove time had run out, though he won 3 races for McLaren in 2005, 2006 was a diaster. With Ron Dennis again signing a driver much before a season had ended, Alonso the reigning champ is set to drive for Ron Dennis and Kimi holding his decision, JPM was in the waiting for some time and other teams not showing any interest in him, he didn’t want to join a lower team, he had some success in American racing, so he was always at home in the US and called the US GP as his home GP too. With him announcing his departure during mid-season was apparently a breach in his contract and also his Dennis was pleased with JPM’s race results and coupled with the fact that Daimler owns Mercedes and the American company Dodge, which JPM will be driving at NASCAR, JPM got his ticket out of F1. But Dennis is not willing to let JPM get his way through out. Dennis has be quoted as saying JPM is still a contracted driver and his services will be called upon when needed as either a test driver or a GP driver as the contract does not expiry until the end of the year.

I liked the way the Colombian drives, there are a handful of drivers who dared to race Schumi and over take him, JPM is of them and he has overtaken Micheal many times and was one of the drivers who was like “I don’t give a fuck who I am racing!” he pushed anybody who was racing with him, including his teammates. He was master at overtaking (esp. Micheal Schumacher), but his best that I can remember is at Canada in 2003, where he was in the 4th position and Ralf and Kimi were fighting for the 2nd position and when they were approaching the last corner and JPM has just finished his pit-stop and he was trailing them, while Ralf and Kimi are fighting for their spot, JPM comes from the outside and overtakes both of them. It was racing at its best. I will Montoya’s racing.

Greatness

"Great sleepers and great eaters are incapable of anything else that is great."

- Henry IV

Acknowledging Henry the IV's view on achieving something 'great', I disagree with him on this count. First of all, i'm a great sleeper and a great eater, now thats two 'great' things that i have already achieved, so why should one look for a thrid 'great' achievement? Isnt achieving two 'great' things enough ? looking for a thrid great thing is too much!!!

blog........why?

A blog, well for a long time i was aware of the concept of a blog but never did explore it much nor was interested in creating one ( my life depends a lot on my laziness ). But after reading a few blogs and especially two of friend's (JI and AR) and a stranger's blog (though have friends who know the person) i finally got down to creating one. well why? hmm....... i could publish stuff i wanted to, complain to the 'world' and let 'others' into my life's events and emotions. But there are numerous problems that entail creating this blog. Firstly, with the identity, I have still have to make my mind on it, but for now i have decided to be anonymous. Maybe in the future i might put down my name. Secondly, will i update this blog ? as i was saying i'm 'driven' (or the lack of it) by laziness. Yes, this life is different from others, i see different things, i see things differently, i hear things, i know things, but are these things 'special' for them to be written in a blog? well do only 'special' things make it to blog or does it matter if i write those 'irrelevant' or 'immaterial' moments in this 'irrelevant' or 'immaterial' life ? Many conflicts, many ideas, many thoughts, many words, not much time, not much of a life. 'My Life', may not be a great one, may not be a good one, may not a special one, may not even be a different one, but it is mine none the less!!!

Homeless in my mind

When I saw the option of naming this blog, I was not quite sure of what I wanted to call it. I just put down the first thing that came into my mind, 'thinking of', ironically I didnt do much of thinking while chosing the name. I've always liked naming things, it gives u the power to give it an identity by which it will be called and known henceforth. The charater of the object might change but the name contiunes.

Well after some actual thinking, I changed it to its present 'homeless in my mind', becausing thats how I fell right now. I'm very confused with what lays ahead and what I want this life do to. I liked another name for it 'imagination junkyard', which I saw at another blog, but wanting not to copy some one else idea I stuck to mine. This confused state will remain for some more time as crucial moments in my life are just around the corner, will I overcome with success or failure ? dont reall know, all I know is I have to get throught them.

of joblessness and boredom and my horrible spellings

One of the primary reasons I created this blog is to fill those parts in my life where I can complain and talk about how I have nothing much to do.

At the outset i would like to state that i'm a bad typer and a bad proof-reader. You might and propably will identify find many mistakes, may it be with my spellings or the grammer, and quite a few words missing (by the time i type, my thoughts would have moved on and i would just forget to type some words) though it is not intended it never the less happens and my repeated attempts to rectify it have failed, so plz no comments about the spellings and grammer.

On the subject.....i've always had problems with spellings, the other day when I was writing something down and wanted to write 'first', i wrote the word down and looked at it, though it was the correct spelling, i thought it looked 'weird' and was confused and consulted my neighbour, (AI) and pushed the book to her and asked her to take a look and she was like "what are we looking at ?" and i said " 'first' is that how you spell it", she smiles and answers "yes, thats right" and i have another look at what i wrote. hmm.... 'first'...looked like 'frist'. And last night I was putting down a reminder to wash clothes and wrote down 'wash cloth....' and was wondering what are the letters that follow, was it 'es' and just 's' that would complete the word. I wrote 'clothes' and though the letter 'e' didnt belong there and erased it and wrote the word again, this time without 'e' - 'cloths' and clearly 'e' seemed to be the letter missing, again i asked another friend(KR) of mine and he has been subject to my awful spelling said he would not help me and i have to start spelling words properly and said "take a look at the word and what do u think?", now if i could rely on my feelings and get the right one, but my 'thinking' has let me down before and I would have started to look in a dictionary, but he finally answered 'Please add an 'e' ".

How is who ???
The two words that i get most confused with are 'how' and 'who', I have lost count of the number of times that I might have used them in place of the other. Though asking a stranger "how are u?" does not have much of a consequence, "Who are u?" (instead of how are u) to a friend or a family can cause some excitiment. I had briefly used email as my primary source of communication and would start a mail "Hi X, who are u ?" instead of 'how', followed by a lenglty mail (i have a habit of writing long mails that dont say much!!!) though in mails i'm forgiven and does come up as a joke when we meet the next time, but it is not that funy when I commit the same mistake during a chat, after the 'hi's and hello's" i would enquire (mostly for courtsey's sake) but I would type 'who are u?' and immediate reply would come saying "i'm so and so, u idiot!!', but only me asking "who are u doing?" would turn to be funnier, my intentions would be to ask how that person was doing, but sadly and funnyly enough "who are u doing?" is meet with some funny replies. And hence my spellings are bad and i try to get them right, but my mind doesnt pick the mistake some times, so plz excuse me for the future times where u might read "how" for "who" and so on.

1st timer!!!

actually have nothing much o say. well i'm a late-comer to the world of blogs and i'm curious as to fact how will it end up!