Directions to nowhere?

One thing that defines me quite precisely these days is Boredom. I never quite thought I would be this bored in my entire life, and i lived in Middle of nowhere for five years. Racetrack used to be fun. In parts it still is. Maybe, its not Racetrack, maybe its me!

Once, when i was still in Middle of nowhere, I was extra lazy (read very, very, very, very lazy) on a Sunday and i'm convinced they served us snot for lunch (yes, I've tasted my own snot, admit it, so have you!) with noodles or some such thing and i was feeling very anti-social and hence didnt go to the city or any other place. I didnt switch on Benjamin, I didnt use my phone, I didnt call for anyone else, I didnt even take a bath. What I did was instead was stare at the ceiling for four straight hours, i'm sure i knew every inch of that ceiling for the next few weeks, i knew every little marking on it, i studied it like i was preparing for a final exam. Then came lunch time and snot was on the menu, i shifted my attention from the ceiling to the Door, I calculated the benefit I would get from actually getting up from the bed, moving to the door, wearing some footwear, unlocking the door and walking 200 odd meters to the mess and serve myself some snot and try shoving it down my throat without throwing up and making awackward but small conversations with classmates i didnt care about. Considering it was a slow moving day, it took me half an hour of calculating and staring at the door, against eating snot. I shifted back my attention on the ceiling and stared at the ceiling until evening. This day was the most lazy I had ever been, but surprisingly I wasnt all that bored with all the ceiling staring I did.

Now, I'm back in Racetrack and its been a while, I'm even 'working' now. last friday was probably the most boring day in my entire life, I'm not blaming the people around me for lack of anything interesting happening, without ignoring the probablity that I might be quite boring myself, I do have to blame them some too. I did some shit, like go out for lunch and played couple of games of Pocket Tanks, but I was so entirely bugged at what was happening that day, or rather why nothing was happening that day. Well there is AI who i pretty much hang out with most of the times, but i need to move on and really find more people to talk to, this i resolved to do because it was hurting AI in AI's relationship and most people thing me and AI are a couple, something which really didnt bother me at all before, but of late, it is. And there is the HD. HD is ok for most parts, even though its been around for a short while, it claims to have much history to boot. I get individual members of HD fine, but when they come together and form the HD, i fail to understand them for most part, they pretty much laugh at anything! and I do mean anything, once they laughed because somone else was laughing, for a good 10 mins, with tears and shoulder pains because they are laughing so much. I'm testing HD, to see if my rather late entry will make sense to me and to HD.

Basically my random mumbling about, in a very random way is to highlght the fact that I'm not sure where my life is going. And this bothers me. I never knew I would be like this within one year from starting work! and yeah thats another thing, i dont have much work to do! cant realy blame them, they cant sit up and make up work.

I should probably make something happen for myself! Because it looks like i've been staring at a dead end sign for far too long now.

and the long journey is set to begin.

The Long journey is set to begin. What holds and what would fail? I hope I'll discover it as I go along.

Scream

Me. Now.

Fun things in life i wanna do, before i'm six feet under. Not in any particular order I list out things, i wanna do, dont go all 'pshycoanalytical' on me with the order of things!

1. Back-pack through Europe.
2. Attend a Formula 1 Grand Prix. [atleast 1]
3. Visit the 'oktoberfest'.
4. Learn to Base jump.
5. Sky-jump.
6. Visit a place where it snows and when it snows.
7. Visit a Desert.
8. Finish KFC's bucket all by myself.
9. Act in a Play.
10. Own a BMW.
11. Smoke marijuana once.
12. Go streaking once.
13. Attend a swingers party.
14. Invent something.
15. Die before i turn 60.

Well these are things i could think up right now, this post will/may be updated as and when i think of new things and am bored enough to write them down. As you can see the list is mostly materialistic with me wanting own certain things and a few related to flying.

Finally did it!

Well one of my life long goals was to watch a Porn Flick in a theatre. I can tick the goal as done now. Back in 'race-track' [home-town] i dont know any theatres which play porn movies, i'm sure there are many which do, but i dont know any that do. Anyways in Orange-city [presently-suffering-in city] I know of one, "Lamba" which plays only porn flicks, names like "plump blossom", "beautiful beast", "young-girl" all make for funny movie names, unless they are meant for porno. Anyways, the idea of watching a porn flick in a theatre and the risk of getting caught made it exciting. So, after many failed plans to visit it, yesterday, me and Shooter [my friend] finally decided to watch 'young girl', the title didnt sound every exciting, but what the heck, the idea was to watch it. so took the bus and reached the Bus station and started walking towards Lamba or atleast thinking we were walking towards it. The stupid junction is like a maze, has some 6 roads running to pretty much nowhere, anyways after walking around for 10-15 mins, though we kinda knew we were lost, didnt really wanna ask anyone where the Porn theatre was. We finally managed to reach the place and saw that the tickets werent being issued as yet and hence decide to take care of some other work, but when we got back, damn! there was crowd all right, i hoped to get some balcony tickets, which we did for 35 bucks. Walked in and theatre wasnt all bad, it was kinda well maintained for Orange-city standards and we realised that we were 15 mins early for the show and I whistled when the trailers started, but no one else did, sorry i am new to the etiquette's of behaving in a XXX theatre. The 'crowd' was pretty decent, no one whistled or shouted through the movie, something that i'm not used to in a theatre. The trailers were GOOD. common its porn, it has to be good right? well Young girl started and the print was of the worst kind, seemed like it was short in early 70's or 80's and it was Filipino. Well i'm too used to the American porn and wasnt really happy to see Filipino porn. It started with these 2 girls playing in the water, well i wanted to watch a proper porn flick with the infamous bad acting by all porn stars. So these girls belong to some village and they need money to support their families and so decide to go to Manila to work. So when they reach Manila they are 'forced' [bad acting, tick] prostitution and they skipped to the sex scene, HEY!! i wanted to see more acting!! anyways, i thought i'll see some acting, but it got bad, only sex. But the remarkable thing was that the theatre was house-full. House-full on a monday afternoon! i beat even HP cant boost of this in its first week. People were still walking in even after 30 mins into the movie. I put paper on the seat, didnt wanna sit of something that sat a million horny men watching porn flick and hoped nothing was shot at the chair! anyways, it got boring and some scene were funny. Shooter and me, decided it was boring and just within the hour they suddenly stopped playing the movie, no one knew if the movie got over or it was interval, eitherway we were done and walked out.

In the end, i can tick this off the list, but it wasnt as exciting as i expected it to be. On the way back, we meet Drama-lady [a class-mate] who asked us, what we did? well couldnt tell her, we went to Lamba and watched a porn flick, told her half the truth that we went to 'gadget-paradise' for some gadget needs and just eat something. Damn! that was close one, since i aint good at lying. Got back and ate a lot of carrots.

I'm a little like Fun Bobby

True 'Friends' [the sitcom]fans would remember the character Fun bobby, he dated Monica for a while and everybody [read as those 6 funny idiots] loved him because he was so fun. Later they realized that they had never seen Fun Bobby without a drink and when they did see him without a drink, he was no longer 'fun' bobby and he became the boring bobby. I'm a little like fun bobby in a way, because I'm not the exciting lets go run nude or for a joy ride kinda guy, but when i drink i start to talk a lot more and start saying some amazing things. Including things like "I have seen more sex appeal in dance in my kindergarten" when i saw bunch of juniors dance in college. And provided high levels of entertainment to a lot of people and also have been told that i almost molested a girl while dancing with her. And also 'accidentally' [read intended] hit some girl with my elbow.

Hence, i need to drink more often.

drunk woman = horny!

I had been home recently. Had a lot of good byes to take care of. Though it didnt feel like an ending, it was one of the biggest endings of my recent times. Anyways, i took the bus back to the shit-hole. I have always taken this particular bus. I reached the bus place a little early and had a nice chat with my dad and in sometime the bus arrived and i made my way to the bus. I didnt expect anything exciting to happen, they usually show a crappy hindi-movie and we try to get some sleep and get up in the morning and think why arent we there yet. But as soon as the bus started to leave, i heard a person talking on the phone behind me. Anyways, i've heard these conversations before, usually good byes, take care of this and that and i want this and things on those lines. But this particular conversation took a naughty turn that i never i would hear. This person was woman, who sounded like she is late 20's. The conversation initially consisted of goodbyes, what u had for dinner, where u you are now? But this woman was loud, she was also bending forward and since she was seated right behind i heard her more louder that others, the way she spoke, seemed like she was drunk. The conversation was mostly in Kannada and English making up for the rest. She said something about "matching" and she asked "is it true, that a man looses interest after matching" since was in Kannada, except the text in italics, clearly the person on the other end of the conversation didnt understand it and so she started repead it, louder "is it true a man looses interest in a woman after matching" but again the other person didnt get what she meant and she finally said "when the sperm comes out" and only then did it hit me that this woman was totally drunk and on the verge of having phone sex on a bus! the conversation went on to talk about the "eggplants", "thorns", etc. Phone sex in Kannada is as funny as it can get, especially the substitution of words is funnier, like "eggplants" for breasts. Anyways though it did not reach the climax on the phone, it was rather embarrassing for me, a woman, drunk and having a phone sex on a bus, seated right behind you and that too in Kannada. Somewhere in between either i feel asleep or she cut the call, in the morning i saw the lady running out of the bus when the scheduled stop came, dont know if she was generally in a hurry or she realized that she had phone sex!

Just another memorable thing that happened to me.

Like, dislike and the unlikable

I was made to realize this of late, that i'm not very like-able. I ignore a lot of things and this was one of them, but it has been in the open so much these days, that i had to accept it. I have not been liked by a lot of people. That is if at all they know me. I'm quite close to having a hate club in my honour. And believe atleast 4-5 people wanna punch me.

Probable reasons why I am not like-able:
1. I'm selfish.
2. I cannot trust people easily, always assuming the mean harm.
3. I cannot handle talkative people and hence cant hold a conversation for long with 'too friendly' people.
4. I'm misunderstood and misquoted.
5. And i'm 13 shades of grey.
6. And ofcourse some things that i do might be annoying others.

Meet Tubster, benjamin and Herbert

Name. The first thing one would want to about the other, I like naming things, i like names. I like my name, i've changed my name [my surname, that is], though my dad wasnt too kicked about coz i dropped his name from mine and took the family name instead! Anyways, like i was saying i like naming things, not persons, but things. One of the first things i named was, ok, as funny as it may seem, one the first things i remember naming is a stuffed toy, it was a St. Bernard that i named tubby. Move a couple of years i named my desktop tubster, because it was shorter than the usual ones but as fat as them, made sense to name it tubster, though was influenced by my old 'tubby' and wanted to name it after reading another blog about how this guy was referring to someone called Pat, later realized that it was his comp.

Meet Ben, my laptop and Herbert, my a/c. Two of my prized possession, one keeps me cool and other keeps me entertained. It feels good to refer to them as people. "well, ben didn't want me to surf the net the other day and wasn't co-operating with the network" or "thank god, Herbert is there, otherwise my room would have left like a oven". Guess i am substituting things for people? well I'm no shrink, but it meets my attention needs by analyzing certain things i do.

And of course i had good time naming this blog. It was doubly fun, coz i got to pick two names for it, one for the web page and one for the blog. Though i would never want to be a prototype, what i mean my 'prototype' is that the world has seen many, many different kinds of people, differing on various issues, i am just one of these many people and the no. 89 does not have any strong link with anything particular apart from me liking to be random. And with respect to the name of the blog itself, 'homeless in my mind' it best suited how i left when i named it, maybe still more or less i feel the same, it captures to some level of accuracy how i feel.

I forgot all about this

Well it has been sometime since the last time i wrote. That's probably because I either didn't much to say or it was too much trouble to write it. And after some time, I had totally forgotten that I had a blog and didn't remember its name or web link. So, had to search for my own weblog ! found it after some searching.

well, life is still the same, more or less. I should be do some writing in the future. It is way I can complain and release some of the stress. So, until next time.