One thing that defines me quite precisely these days is Boredom. I never quite thought I would be this bored in my entire life, and i lived in Middle of nowhere for five years. Racetrack used to be fun. In parts it still is. Maybe, its not Racetrack, maybe its me!
Once, when i was still in Middle of nowhere, I was extra lazy (read very, very, very, very lazy) on a Sunday and i'm convinced they served us snot for lunch (yes, I've tasted my own snot, admit it, so have you!) with noodles or some such thing and i was feeling very anti-social and hence didnt go to the city or any other place. I didnt switch on Benjamin, I didnt use my phone, I didnt call for anyone else, I didnt even take a bath. What I did was instead was stare at the ceiling for four straight hours, i'm sure i knew every inch of that ceiling for the next few weeks, i knew every little marking on it, i studied it like i was preparing for a final exam. Then came lunch time and snot was on the menu, i shifted my attention from the ceiling to the Door, I calculated the benefit I would get from actually getting up from the bed, moving to the door, wearing some footwear, unlocking the door and walking 200 odd meters to the mess and serve myself some snot and try shoving it down my throat without throwing up and making awackward but small conversations with classmates i didnt care about. Considering it was a slow moving day, it took me half an hour of calculating and staring at the door, against eating snot. I shifted back my attention on the ceiling and stared at the ceiling until evening. This day was the most lazy I had ever been, but surprisingly I wasnt all that bored with all the ceiling staring I did.
Now, I'm back in Racetrack and its been a while, I'm even 'working' now. last friday was probably the most boring day in my entire life, I'm not blaming the people around me for lack of anything interesting happening, without ignoring the probablity that I might be quite boring myself, I do have to blame them some too. I did some shit, like go out for lunch and played couple of games of Pocket Tanks, but I was so entirely bugged at what was happening that day, or rather why nothing was happening that day. Well there is AI who i pretty much hang out with most of the times, but i need to move on and really find more people to talk to, this i resolved to do because it was hurting AI in AI's relationship and most people thing me and AI are a couple, something which really didnt bother me at all before, but of late, it is. And there is the HD. HD is ok for most parts, even though its been around for a short while, it claims to have much history to boot. I get individual members of HD fine, but when they come together and form the HD, i fail to understand them for most part, they pretty much laugh at anything! and I do mean anything, once they laughed because somone else was laughing, for a good 10 mins, with tears and shoulder pains because they are laughing so much. I'm testing HD, to see if my rather late entry will make sense to me and to HD.
Basically my random mumbling about, in a very random way is to highlght the fact that I'm not sure where my life is going. And this bothers me. I never knew I would be like this within one year from starting work! and yeah thats another thing, i dont have much work to do! cant realy blame them, they cant sit up and make up work.
I should probably make something happen for myself! Because it looks like i've been staring at a dead end sign for far too long now.
